Happy Mother's Day

Good morning mothers!

Welcome to the Church Of The Hard Fucks. So glad you could make it on this fine Sunday morning.


Good lawd, children, the Good Rev has received the most incredible Mother's Day gift. Now, of course, suckers, you know the Good Rev is a mother of a different ilk, but a mother just the same, or nonetheless, or some shit like that. Okay, okay, actually the entire congregation has received a gift, but the Good Rev gets the bang out of it. Oh, children, the Good Rev cracks himself UP.

Now, suckers, you ask, "What the fuck is he talking about?"

Children, flock, precious congregation ... STRUMPET, the Church Of The Hard Fucks own Tight End Supply Sergeant ... yes, MIA Strumpet, stopped by last night and left the following message for us:

Ahem.

~drops a shitload of condoms, Holy Lube, dildos in assorted colours, shapes and sizes, and a postcard saying, 'Wish I Was Here!' into the collection plate~

I miss you guys!!

And, Rev...

I've been soooooooo naughty. If I don't confess to someone soon I'm going to explode!

I never realised how much church meant to my well-being until I came to your place of worship, Good Reverend.

In fact, there's one specific place I'd like to worship... so if you would like to step out of your sexy black and white outfit and meet me in the Rectory (such an AWESOME word)...I think I might have time for a quickie!

Hallelujah, flock ... a brief appearance, and a quick hello to the troops, but how exciting is this?

Thank you Strumpet ... you rock girl! Please hurry back.

Now, faithful, since it is Mother's Day, the Sunday Hard Pounder is available only upon request, and will be administered in the privacy of the Parsonage. This is necessary, because the Sanctuary has been filled with fresh flowers in observance of this most important day. You know how much the Good Rev loves mothers! Mom's, pick up a dozen roses and a box of chocolates after the service ... you deserve 'em.

Happy Mother's Day!

Hallelujah (69x)

AMEN